During a divorce, the separating couple has many feelings and emotions which are often running high due to the situation they are in. Quite often feelings of anger, frustration, betrayal, revenge and sadness are the most common feelings which develop during a divorce. Such feelings can often lead to an acrimonious divorce and could lead to difficulties in trying to resolve even the simplest of issues during a divorce. Specialist family lawyers at Kabir Family Law have developed this guide to try and assist you in maintaining an amicable relationship with your partner during your divorce.
1. Surround yourself with a strong social support network
It is not uncommon to feel the need to be isolated and locked away during a separation. Many people are unaware of the psychological effect this can have and the potential risks of depression which in turn can evolve a series of deeper issues and cause further complications with the divorce process.
In order to battle against your feelings and overcome the fact that you are divorcing you should surround yourself with a strong social network of support. The people you surround yourself with could help lighten your mood. Your support network could also assist in providing you with guidance and the strength you need to ensure you effectively deal with your divorce process. Family and friends can often form a strong pillar of support when you need them the most. Family lawyers recommend that you should regularly call, message and visit your family and friends rather than isolating yourself from the world.
Speaking with people that matter the most in your life can allow you to share your feelings and burden and in turn, alleviate any feelings of distress and anger you may have. This can often result in less chance of you suffering in silence and causing unnecessary stress and psychological problems to yourself. Regular contact with family and friends can help you keep calm and allow you to remain patient with your former partner to ensure your divorce is completed in a swift and smooth manner.
2. Find positives in your current scenario during your divorce
During a divorce, a separating partner could easily fail to see the positive impacts that may follow from their divorce. Instead of separating couples focus on the negative impacts divorce can have. Family law advisors often stress the importance of considering the bigger picture. The divorce itself can be a positive change in your life which is needed especially where a marriage has been hostile, abusive and controlling. Another positive aspect of a divorce is that you have another opportunity to start a fresh life and forget about the past which may have caused more harm than good. A positive attitude will assist you in reducing any stress and emotional feelings you may be experiencing.
By considering the bigger picture you can ultimately build your life in a way that will benefit you in the long term. Family law specialists have experienced that a separating partner who uses positive affirmations to calm themselves and can control their emotions is better placed to handle their divorce than an individual who continues to relive their past. Remember without a positive mindset you may be unable to understand what is best for you. Decisions should be made by setting aside your emotions and understanding what is best for you. This can only be achieved with a clear mind and by focusing on the positives your divorce brings rather than the negatives.
3. Consider playing the long game during your divorce
The early days and weeks following a divorce can be very difficult as separating couples adapt to changes and the feeling of separation and losing a marriage sinks in. Emotions can often be at their highest during this time and it could be difficult to focus on what you really want to achieve from your divorce and separation. During these difficult times, individuals will often attempt to reach a settlement that will benefit them in the short term.
The best piece of advice is to forget the short battles and to focus on long term goals. The focus of a separating partner should be on what is most important to you and your family. By considering the bigger picture and remaining amicable during your divorce you are more likely to achieve a settlement that will be the best outcome you require. Remaining amicable will allow you to openly discuss your options and will provide a far greater chance of achieving your desired outcome.
4. Involve legal representation when needed
During a divorce, a separating couple may look to utilize legal representation from the outset. This can often lead to a breakdown in trust and cause further feelings of anger and frustration. The starting point in resolving family disputes should be to attempt to try and reach a settlement between yourself.
Not all issues need to be settled by legal representation and involvement. Quite often you may be able to resolve certain issues without legal representation. Amicable discussions can often save your divorce from being contentious and acrimonious.
Legal advice should be sought to understand what your rights are and what you may be entitled to. Once you are aware of your rights and your entitlements you should attempt to sit down with your partner to see which issues can be agreed mutually. This will save you both time and costs and will allow you to understand what issues will be in dispute and assist you in preparing ahead for these. It is helpful to try and effectively communicate with your ex-partner to work out what matters you will need legal advice and representation on. Reaching a partial agreement can be a lot less stressful and expensive than not agreeing on anything without involving lawyers.
5. Keep children up to date with changes surrounding their living
Children are often central to divorce and will often suffer the most following a change in their life and their surroundings. Children should be advised of how the separation of their parents will affect their daily life. This includes providing them to notice if one parent is to leave the matrimonial home. Children may benefit from being able to visit what they will see as their second home and to know where they will sleep when they visit this parent.
Children will require stability in their life and will need to ensure they are still loved by their parents. Therefore, involving children in tasks such as furnishing their second will help them feel valued and understand they still matter for the parents regardless of their separation. Again, this may result in the children understanding they are involved in the decision-making process and are loved by both parents.
6. Distance yourself from any aspects of the broken relationship
At Kabir Family Law, our specialists have noted that this is one of the most important factors in ensuring your relationship remains amicable during your divorce. You should move on to rediscover your own life rather than dwelling in the past. Despite moving on from your married life you should consider maintaining a peaceful and amicable relationship during your divorce. You could consider the following which will ensure you remain amicable during this difficult phase of your life:
- Treat interactions with your former partner professionally. You will be required to talk to your former partner with regards to issues concerning any assets or children involved. You should ensure the wellbeing of your children are placed as the most important factor. By following this advice you will be able to avoid hostile situations.
- If a conversation with your former partner turns into shouting or you are constantly interrupted, you should end the conversation. Explain to your partner that you will discuss the matter when the situation is calm. This allows you to get your point across that you wish to remain amicable and will also force your former partner in to carefully thinking the matter and may prompt them to remain calm and amicable like you.
- Avoid using children to relay information. Instead of this considering directly communicating with your former partner or use emails or post rather than placing your child at the forefront.
- Cut emotional ties with your former partner. Avoid speaking to your partner for advice or help and limit your communications to the matters at hand. If you require advice consider new avenues such as lawyers, accountants or other advisers.
7. Avoid punishing your spouse
As much as you may want to punish your partner to suffer for divorcing you, you should avoid this. Despite your marriage not being successful you should consider the relationship and love you once had. Wanting your spouse to feel bad following your separation may appear normal however punishing them is not the solution. Looking to punish your spouse you will only create a more acrimonious and hostile situation which could delay the settlement of your divorce which otherwise could have been dealt with swiftly. Ultimately this could also lead to your spouse not wanting to negotiate or co-operate which could cause delays to your divorce as well as increasing the costs and time involved in resolving your marital dispute which may not be desirable.